


If I Could Turn Back Time

by el_gilliath



Series: Rewinding Time [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Aliens, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Some Plot, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 16:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_gilliath/pseuds/el_gilliath
Summary: The first time he time travels, Michael doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.





	If I Could Turn Back Time

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm warning all of you that I have an intense love for commas (though I have tried to pace myself here). I also have not written in 6 years which shows. And there is a scene which is violent and graphic as my headcanon for how Michael broke his hand is in here. I have warned you, enjoy.
> 
> And also, thank you to @christchex for putting up with my commas and drunken guitar/gitar spelling.

The first time he time travels, Michael doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It’s been a particularly bad day and the only thing he wants to do it close his eyes and go to sleep. But when he does he feels this tug at the pit of his stomach and when he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in bed with a 17-year-old Alex Manes lying next to him. And he freaks out a little bit, not because Alex is in his bed (he would never) but because Alex left town a year ago. Exactly one year ago today.

And as he lies next to Alex, who seems to be asleep, he knows exactly why his day had been so incredibly shitty. Because he misses this damn boy, this perfect human being so much that his heart screams in his chest and the only thing he can think about is the last time he saw Alex and how both of them cried until they had no more tears to cry knowing that they were going to be separated. 

Alex huffs in his sleep, almost as if he can sense that Michael is being melodramatic and shuffles closer in to him in his sleep, his arm draping over Michael’s stomach. He can’t help but smile at him, even in his confusion and sadness and lifts his left arm from where it’s lying on the bed to touch Alex’s arm. But as he lifts it up, he stops and look at the fingers of his left hand. He can’t help the gasp he releases when he sees his hand free of scaring, free of burns, free of all the shit that happened that night. He squeezes his eyes shut, and as he does, he feels the same tug in his stomach. When he opens his eyes again, he’s alone in the Airstream, his hand is scared and burned. Alex is nowhere to be found.

\---------------------

It happens again about a month later, on the anniversary of their first date. Another shitty day, a bit too much bourbon (though there is nothing called too much bourbon) and Michael tumbles into his bed with the intention to sleep away the pain. But as soon as he closes his eyes, the sharp tug in his stomach happens and he opens his eyes to find himself in the UFO museum he used to work in when he was 17. He looks around with a sharp inhale, sees that the museum is dark and that he’s standing there in a baseball hat, his ‘nice’ jeans and a perfectly clean flannel shirt, his hand unhurt and his guitar leaning against the wall next to him. He clenches his teeth and inhales and exhales deeply a few times, because he knows exactly **when** he is, even if he doesn’t know how, what or why. 

“Guerin! You in here?”

The sound of Alex’s cheeky teenage voice feels like a cold shower down his back, but he also can’t help but grin. Damn he misses that voice, and the incredible sass that comes with it. Alex might have left to become a proper Manes man, but before all that, before this, he was a sassy little thing with the most adorable smile. 

“I’m in here, Manes” he replies, smiling to himself as he looks over to the doorway where he knows Alex will appear in a few seconds. Wearing black jeans, a yellow-toned flannel shirt and sneakers, carrying his guitar in one hand and his skateboard in the other. His smile shy as he looks over at Michael, his eyes scrunching together as he smiles fondly at him even if he tries not to. Michael knows all this, knows exactly how this goes and how their first ‘date’ ends; with a kiss that will turn into a thousand kisses, shy hands that will turn into experienced hands as they learn all about one another, love that will turn into heartbreak, and an unhurt hand that will turn into the most painful thing in Michael’s life. Not just because of the physical pains, but because of the memories.

“Hey, you lost in thought over there?

Michael focuses back on the moment, and there he is. Black jeans, yellow-toned flannel, guitar in one hand and skateboard in the other. Shy, yet also teasing smile on his lips, his eyes twinkling.

Though Michael knows that this isn’t how their date goes, not completely, he can’t help but walk over to Alex, take his face in his hands and pull him in for a kiss. A kiss full of passion, of longing, of lust and of love. He pours every feeling he has into the kiss as this is the first time in 427 days that he has had a chance to do this, to kiss Alex and show him exactly what he means to him.

They kiss for what feels like hours, Alex’s hands coming up around Michael’s neck after dropping his skateboard and guitar with a soft bang on the floor, their mouths opening and tongues softly brushing against one another, before calming down and just brushing their lips together in the softest, most wonderful kisses that Michael has missed so fricking much.

When they break apart Michael still holds Alex close, while Alex just looks at him with awe in his eyes, and the biggest grin on his face, his cheeks flushed in excitement and want.

“Wow, you really went in for the kill there, huh Guerin” he says, and Michael can’t help but laugh and hug him tight, dropping a kiss on the side of his neck. Alex inhales sharply, and Michael hugs him a little closer. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth to speak, but before he gets any words out the sharp tug is there again, and when he opens his eyes he’s back when he started, all alone in bed.

\---------------------

The next time it happens is 6 months after that, on just a random day when everything sucks (and not in a good way) and Jesse Fucking Manes smirked at him in the grocery store when he was stocking up on nail polish remover and beer. His hatred for Jesse Fucking Manes is epic, ever since…

He shakes his head to get rid of the bad memories and focuses on the good ones instead. Focuses on Alex, and the way he always had a smile on his face for him, even when his dad was being a douchebag, and his brothers did nothing to help him out.

He sits down on his bed and is hit by a rush of determination. Two times now he has been able to flash back in time or whatever it is he does. He needs to see if he can actually do it on purpose. So he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and concentrates on how much he misses Alex. And sure enough, a second later he feels the sharp tug. And when he opens his eyes he’s back in the museum, in his baseball hat, his ‘nice’ jeans and a perfectly clean flannel shirt, his hand unhurt, and his guitar leaning against the wall next to him.  
“Guerin! You in here?”

The sound of Alex’s voice brings a smile to his face and he knows he did it. Whatever the fuck he did, he’s in the past again and it’s their first ‘date’ at the museum. Last time he kissed the shit out of Alex, this time he’s going to pace himself a bit more. In the hopes that he can spend more time here with him. Before everything goes to hell.

“In here Manes.”

And a few but way to long seconds later, Alex is in the doorway, wearing black jeans, yellow-toned flannel, his guitar in one hand and skateboard in the other. 

“Hey,” he says, the shy smile on his face as he looks at Michael for just a second before he looks down to the floor with his cheeks reddening. Seeing teenage punk ass Alex blush will never get old.

“Hey,” Michael replies, his heart pounding in his chest just like it did the first time. Because for some reason he gets to relive this, the best night of his life. And he knows that he can spend every night with this man if the world would let him. But the world is as cruel as Alex’s father so he will take what he can get. He looks over at Alex and smiles at him, beckoning him over with a wave of his hand. Alex looks at him with his shy smile and his nervous hand twitch and comes over, putting down his skateboard and guitar. He looks at Michael like he’s unsure of what’s going on and Michael can’t help but smile at him, a big, goofily fond smile that he can’t stop. And most importantly won’t stop. If he gets to do this all over again, or relive it or whatever, then Alex is damn well going to know what he means to him.

“You look good” He says, and Alex looks at him in surprise. He shrugs, knowing that that isn’t something he would usually say but wanting Alex to know it. He knows exactly how this night ends and he knows how Alex hopes it will end, he’s not going to be afraid and nervous about his feelings. 

“Thanks, you too?” Alex replies, his words more of a question than anything. Michael chuckles at him (fine, it’s more like a giggle. He’s happy okay) and shakes his head at how awkward and nervous they both are. 

“So, uh, what are we doing?” 

“We are going to hang out together, play some guitar, talk and eat some snacks. And then, then I’m going to kiss you and you’re going to like it.”

Alex snorts at him. “So sure of that are you?”

“Yeah, I am,” Michael says with a shiteating grin, the one he knows Alex both hates and loves seeing on his face. And sure enough, a blush spreads on Alex’s face even as he narrows his eyes at him. But Michael’s plan works because the nervousness and awkwardness is gone and a gentle feeling of excitement is all that is left.

So that’s what they do. They play guitar, they talk, they eat snacks and they just hang out. Alex was never one for being wooed so this is exactly what he would like, spending time together.

But Michael has always been one for a bit of pushing, so when he does finally kiss Alex, after hours and both of them shaking with the need for it, he climbs straight into Alex’s lap where he’s sitting on the floor and kisses the shit out of him. Soft, romantic kisses and hard lustful kisses one after another to show Alex how big his need and want for him is. They kiss for hours, until Michael knows they have to leave before they get caught by the night guard. The thing Michael wants to do the most is take Alex in his car, drive away and spend the night with him. But he doesn’t. Because their first time together isn’t then and it won’t be as perfect as it was if he ends up deflowering Alex now. And besides, he’s too well versed in Alex’s body at this point, it would be suspicious if he knew exactly how to take him apart from the get go. He’s rather have their fumbling, awkward, funny and amazing first time as it was.

So he drives Alex home and kisses him as discreetly as he can before dropping him off, watching him go back into the house of horrors with a painful feeling in his stomach at having to let him go. So he closes his eyes and concentrates and the sharp tug in his stomach takes him home to the Airstream, where he’s alone and missing Alex. But knowing he can flash back to the past and see him helps, and so he goes to bed and falls asleep with peace in his mind.

\---------------------

One day his flashback changes. It’s been a rough day, and he tried to smother it all in booze and beer. Someone took offense to whatever crap he sprouted off because he is a jackass at heart when he’s not in a good mood, and now he’s in the drunk tank at the police station. Waiting patiently for newly minted cop Maxwell Evans to come in and lecture him about responsibility when Max didn’t even **HELP** him when his hand got broken and. And suddenly the sharp tug happens and he’s there. Lying on the floor as he sees the boot of Jesse Fucking Manes’ coming down towards his hand, Alex in the background yelling DAD! NO! and the pain is as excruciating as it was the first time. He feels the bones in his pinky and ring finger snap and crunch as Jesse stomps on his hand again and again and again. And as the bones in his hand pulverizes, the ligaments and tendons snap, causing his hand to spasm and curl, even as Jesse continues stomping on it, Alex’s by now hysterical yelling in the background being the only thing Michael can focus on. He feels Jesse throwing lighter fluid or whatever it is on his hand, he hears the match being lit and he feels the flame that melts the skin on his hand. He screams, the pain is as bad as he remembers, and being back here is the worst thing that could ever happen to him because being there the first time was bad enough. He screams his lungs out, until the sharp tug reappears, and he’s in the drunk tank with Max yelling his name, holding on to his shoulders and looking so scared that Michael is confused for a second. He looks around, and Sheriff Valenti is standing in the doorway, looking at him with concern in his eyes.

“Michael! Are you okay? You were screaming your head off!”

Michael looks back at Max, who still looks shocked but calmer, now that Michael is silent and looking at him. Michael looks over at the Sheriff for a second before looking over at Max again to try and convey that this is not something he can talk about in front of, well, humans. But Max, who doesn’t understand hints or being subtle starts lecturing him on screaming just to get attention (because of **course** that is something Max thinks he would do), and Michael is just **done** with Max Evans and his prissy fucking attitude. 

“Fuck you.”

Max goes silent as he speaks, stopping midway through his lecture on Russian literature (or whatever he’s on about) and just looks at Michael. Looks at the way he probably has dark circles under his eyes, the way he knows he’s cradling his broken hand against his chest, and the tired look on his face.

“What happened, Michael?”

And he wants so badly to tell him but the Sheriff is still in the doorway, he’s starting to get the mother of all headaches, and his hand. His hand throbs in phantom pain and he can still feel Jesse Fucking Manes grinding the heel of his boot down on his fingers, pulverizing the bones even more. He can feel the devastation he felt back then, the fear for Alex and the general helplessness he felt as a 17-year old, in love with an amazing boy with the biggest dickwad of a father who would gladly kill his son for being gay.

“Nothing. Just leave me alone Max,” he says quietly, hoping Max will take the hint and actually leave it be. He can’t handle another flashback like that tonight, tomorrow, ever, and he just hopes Max still knows him well enough to understand that.

And to his eternal surprise Max does. Max backs off and gets the sheriff to back off. A few hours later he’s released, Max looking at him with concern as he leaves but Michael brushes it off. He spends the rest of the night in his Airstream, terrified of closing his eyes and terrified of flashing back to that moment. In the end he falls into a troubled sleep and dreams of that moment again and again for the entire night. But he never flashes back to that moment and he never has to feel that pain again. And for that he is eternally grateful.

\---------------------

He flashes back time and time again to the first date whenever he has a bad day, days where he misses Alex so much it’s hard to breathe. He does it differently every time, tries new things and goes to new places. He does everything in his power to make Alex happy and he manages every time. He still never sleeps with Alex on that first date but he doesn’t need too. Having him in his arms is more than enough. Even if it hurts more and more when the sharp tug appears in the pit of his stomach, and he opens his eyes to find himself alone.

\---------------------

It’s been ten years and a change when he sees Alex again. In present form and not just his 17-year old self. The shock of seeing him standing in front of the trailer is enough to make Michael forget everything he’s been through and turn into a defensive sarcastic shit that wants to hurt Alex for leaving. It takes him three seconds to regret it.

He spends the rest of the evening before the reunion going over the meeting in his head and cataloging the differences in Alex that he could see, and not just the leg. He was already aware of that (how could he not be with the fucking parade going on) but how he looked, how he has grown up. He also has to get over the fact that he apparently has a uniform kink when it comes to Alex because holy shit did he look good in his fatigues. Though he would probably look even better out of them. Michael hasn’t had sex with Alex in years, not even in his flashbacks but holy hell does he want to peel Alex out of that uniform and go to town (or downtown) on him and have some fun.

\---------------------

And he does get too. The kiss at the reunion (which ends in Alex rejecting him), then Alex showing up at his trailer (that doesn’t end with Alex rejecting him) and then that fucking drive in (which again ends in Alex rejecting him).

But Michael knows that Alex is an extremely complex human, with so much self-hatred and the need to please his father even if he knows he never can that he can’t really blame him. Even if his heart is aching in his chest at never being with Alex again.

So he tries flashing back to their first date but finds that he can’t. No matter what he does the sharp tug doesn’t appear, and he finds himself stuck in the Airstream. Only then does he break down, crying too hard and shaking too much, his heartbreak obvious, brutal, devastating.

He contemplates giving up. He contemplates losing Alex forever. It breaks his heart even more.

\---------------------

After Isobel blacks out, after all their shared secrets are aired, he decides to tell her one more. He tells her about his ability to go back into the past, how he always goes back to his first date with Alex when he can control it and how he does it on the days he’s missing him. He tells her everything about their relationship and how he understands Max and his feelings for Liz since he feels the exact same way himself. He tells her about his heartache, about what happened at the drive in, about Jesse Fucking Manes and his abusive ways. He tells her everything he can to help her maybe understand Max a bit more and also why he said the people we love, instead of the people you love.

Isobel rages and cries, not yet ready to face the fact that she killed three innocent girls or that she might lose her husband if she doesn’t tell him the truth. She rages until she can’t anymore, and then she cries until she’s all out of tears and she falls asleep. She looks so small and broken huddled in her blanket and his tennis socks that he carries her into the Airstream and put her in his bed. 

He settles back down in his chair outside with a beer in his hand and prepares himself for a sleepless night outside by the fire. Not that he minds, to him Isobel is more important and he can survive without some sleep. Most importantly, it feels good to get everything off his chest. Now he just has to deal with missing Alex, both the younger and the older, more scarred one. He hasn’t been able to flash back since Alex got back into town but right now he wishes that he could so he could lose himself in their first date for a few hours.

In the end he just drinks some more beer,and contemplates the mountains of shit the three of them are in. With all the secrets out between them it’s a showdown waiting to happen, and this time he’s not sure if they can come back from it.

He’s so deep in thought that he misses the sound of a car driving up to the junkyard.

But he refocuses on the now when he hears the uneven gait of Alex’s walk, his cane making soft thudding sounds on the ground. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before looking over at the beautiful creature that is Alex Manes as he comes over and sits down into Isobel’s chair from earlier. For a minute they just look at one another, neither of them saying anything because at this point, where do they start? There’s so much history, so much emotion, so much personal drama and pain that they know they have to work through both separately and together. But Alex is here and Michael can’t help but be happy about that. Whatever goes on between them, just seeing his face gives Michael some semblance of peace.

“Hey,” he finally settles on, short but still an okay opener. Alex snorts and shakes his head, but a small smile appears on his face so Michael will take it.

“Hey yourself,” he replies, and Michael grins back at him. He’s still hurt over what happened at the drive in but if Alex is here, he’s here for a reason and Michael will never not hear him out. He’s too far gone on Alex not to.

“So what brings you out to the junkyard this evening?”

Alex just looks at him before he holds out a brown paper bag that Michael didn’t notice he had with him until now. He looks at it and frowns slightly before he takes it with a questioning look at Alex.

“I’ve only seen something like that once before, on your desk. You were clearly trying to hide it ‘cause it was underneath a bunch of other stuff, but I figured… I figured you would know what it was or have some sort of clue if nothing else.”

Michael opens the bag and reaches in to grab a hold of whatever is in there. He knows the second he touches it what it’s going to be, as it has the same feel too it as the ‘tablet’ he has. And sure enough, as he takes it out it’s the exact same. Maybe even the companion piece to his.

“Where did you find it?” He asks in a low voice, looking it over after dropping the bag in the chair so it stays put. He doesn’t look over at Alex, not yet. Because this is the moment he makes his decision on whether he tells Alex or not. Except it’s not really a decision and he knows it because Alex is his person. The one person he wants to tell. And he will be damned if he hides it after getting a perfect opening like this.

“I found it in the wall at my cabin. You know, the old hunting cabin that belonged to Jim Valenti and my dad. He left it to me, and Kyle and I found a detox dungeon. That was in the wall.”

Michael sends him a skeptical look at detox dungeon but Alex just waves him off. They know how the other thinks fairly well at this point, even if they have spent 10 years apart.

“What is it?” Alex asks, a curious look on his face.

Michael takes a deep breath and decides.

“It’s a piece of alien tech from the 1947 UFO crash. It’s some kind of tablet, I’ve never been really able to decipher mine as it was missing a part and I think this is it.”

He tells him everything. He tells him how they awoke in 1997, Max, Isobel and him. He tells him about integrating as humans. He tells him about acetone and how it helps with their healing and pain. He tells him about their powers. And he tells him about flashing back in time to see Alex when he misses him. He lays everything on the table in the hopes that this will help Alex understand why he’s never told him before.

He looks at Alex after he’s done talking, guarded just in case Alex decides to freak out and hurt him even more. But Alex… Alex is sitting there with a smile on his lips, nodding to himself as if it all makes sense.

“I have a hundred different memories of how our first date was and I could never understand why. The first memory is from when we were actually on it, but then a year later I remembered that you just kissed the hell out of me. And even if I knew exactly what memory was the real one, I’ve appreciated all of the others too even if I thought they were just dreams that I remembered really well. But now that I know that was you flashing back… Thank you, Michael. You helped me survive Iraq. You helped me survive losing my leg.”

They sit in silence after Alex’s confession. Just looking at each other, taking each other in and the situation they now find themselves in. Michael’s big secret is out there in the space between them. Both of them still know that Alex has some of his own. But they also know that this is a small step in the right direction. And if Michael pulls his chair closer to Alex, and if they stay in front of the fire all night holding hands, talking softly to each other and just enjoying the night together before they have to face the world again? Then that is their prerogative.

(In the end they don’t get back together straight away. They don’t even kiss for a long time. But they talk, they fight, they rage, and they cry. It takes them a long time, but when it happens, things far away levitate)


End file.
